Who will separate us from the love of Christ? [GS summer vacation 2013]

I wanted to write a brief reflection on my personal experience of the GS sumer vacation this year in response to Fr. Jose's provocation:

Can you identify one FACT that happened, or something that you observed, during the vacation?  He pointed out, "if something happened at the vacation that was freeing and filled you will gladness, you need to grasp the reason why this happened.  What made these days different than other days? What allowed me to be more present?"


1.  LOOKING OUTSIDE OF MYSELF, LOOKING AT OTHERS

Wonder became real during those rare but beautiful moments when I saw something that was happening around me-- whether I was sitting in the presence of the the other adults, or watching all the kids flow into the room where we met, or hiking in silent attention, or watching the kids play the games with such enthusiasm and passion.  All of these things I began to learn happened regardless of my opinion, attitude, attention, or presence.  Friendships formed, people saw things that struck them and provoked them to ask questions, clouds painted the tops of the mountains in front of us.  These things happened.  If I saw them, the most authentically real position I could take was one of gratitude that I was in a position to witness such beautiful moments.  And so, even though all of this happened outside of my making, I was there.  I am thus acutely aware of the fact that I personally was given so infinitely much in those days.

I came especially alive when I saw how the kids I brought from DC changed in front of all the beautiful things they heard and saw.  During those days, I found that if my gaze was raised to these kids I brought, no matter how deeply entangled in my thoughts I was, I was pulled outside of my plans, and I was in a better position to recognize the Event of Christ changing people before my eyes.  The quote, "He is if He changes" really struck home when my eyes were open to seeing the change He brought about within me and within those around me.  One morning, I walked around the breakfast tables and I noticed that not a single one was designated with only Washington, D.C. GS kids.  Their freedom and courage to interact with other kids told me that Christ's desire for our unity is continually renewing and calling us to forget our own plans, and be open to His.  Why did my kids become free?  Who was making something happen?  Was it just a series of fortunate circumstances, or was there something deeply human, truly supernatural, at work among us?  It was quite a precious thing to witness.


2.  GIVING EVERYTHING, CREATING NOTHING

Another dynamic I noticed at the vacation was my position in front of everything.  I love GS so much; I love so deeply the promise that GS proposes for our lives, that I sincerely wanted to do everything I was asked to do, and do it well.  I found myself following Tom Tobin around while he was running the games to run and grab hockey sticks, play four legged soccer if a team needed it, set up the sheet game, find scavenger hunt clues, keep score, clean up equipment, keep time, organize who played who, etc.  I was available to aide him.  My availability emerged naturally out of desire to become one with what was happening before our eyes!  My natural tendency is to ask for recognition for helping with these things, and yet I really found myself wanting nothing in return. I wanted simply to be present to see what was happening, and to involved myself as physically as possible, in as real a way as possible, by volunteering in the ways I am describing.

I was glad when I saw how I and the other adults were unified toward making the event of the vacation beautiful.  I noticed how everything was taken care of-- from reserving the athletic facilities, to arranging bus transportation, to buying and assembling lunches, to the presentations and talks-- everything was given for me, for the kids but also for me, to witness the kind of life that is generated by our personally choosing to attach ourselves to Christ.  I saw the other adults moving, really stepping forward and physically moving, to make these concrete gestures happen.  To observe the sacrifice required in all of us was to be a witness to the Acts of the Apostles.  For what other reason is it worth giving one's life if not out of love and passion for Christ among us? 


3.  IT IS CHRIST

Who is Christ?  Why do we keep claiming that Christ is the one worth living for, that Christ generates the event in front of us and leaves us desirous to live, to work, to enjoy one another, to be happy?  I have absolutely 0% desire to hang out with 15 and 6 year old if it's not because my lfie is changed, and I am woken up, and experience a deep joy every time I am with them.   It is this encounter with the kids, with the other adutls, and with all of the unexpected yet much welcome, truly beautiful, exceptional encounters during the vacation and during my time with GS in general that I know it is Him.

All the evidence that I have gathered from my life with GS, and in particular now with the events that transpired at this vacation, suggest an identical experience to that of the apostles.  The Lord asked Peter and the apostles, "Who do you say that I Am?"  Similarly, I always find myself in a position of awe asking, "Who are these people, who are so alive, so joyful, so eager to really live?"  The answer is certainly not a common interest; nothing apparently seen on the exterior can account for that which unites such a diverse population of adults and kids.  Also, Fr. Rich Veras pointed out the part in the Acts of the Apostles when Jesus appears to Paul and says, "Saul, Saul, why are you persectuing Me?"  He uses the first person, "Me," when he is actually referring to Peter, Stephen, and the other apostles and disciples whom Paul had been persecuting.  Fr. Rich reminded me that Christ dwells in us; where we go, Christ is present.  He is the one who constitutes our "I."  When I say "I," I am not longer referring to myself and my petty likes and dislikes.  I am referring to the Lord of the universe who loves me so intimately and infinitely that my life only makes sense if my life is His.

Therefore to recall to Whom I belong, I need GS.  The presence of my friends in the movement, one example of which is GS, always reawakens and surprises me.  Nothing expected happens with these friends.  It is this newness and authentically true viewpoint in front of all of life that keeps reminding me of Christ's preeminence in front of everything.  

Who are these people who bring a new way of looking at life, reality, friendships, sports, how to celebrate the Fourth of July, how to spend six days together in the mountains?  Who are these people if not a community of persons desirous to live life in a new way, within a deep and rich friendship that undergirds and generates this newness, which I always find so creative and mysterious in the way its dynamic take shape in myself?  Who are these people?  They are friends, but even greater, they are true witnesses.  Like Jack Kerouac muses in his On the Road, “the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”  They are the ones who I want to share life with, because they have certainty that the newness and joy and promise for fulfillment discovered in our friendships actually is a person, not just a new idea or a cool experience.  This newness and joy is a Person whose name is Jesus Christ.

Juliet, Friday 7/5/2013

June 29, 2013: The GS kids organize a spontaneous singing session during the vacation.