Sports or friends: in what does my happiness lie?

One of my students, a very talented basketball player, is wondering if she will succeed in the basketball career she dreams about.  She wonders how to balance her time practicing basketball with her desire to spend time with her friends.  She is worried because she knows that hanging out with her friends will be fun for certain, and she is not sure if her dedication to daily basketball practices will earn her a scholarship to college.  Thus is daily practice worth missing the guaranteed fun she could be having elsewhere? 

Here is how I encouraged her to reflect on her questions. 

October 10, 2018

For a lot of student-athletes, there is much pressure to be practicing and training constantly.  I personally see a risk in that.  I know that training well and productively will make you a great candidate for college basketball recruiters.  The temptation for these students is to think "My life is football," or "my life is soccer," or "My life is..." fill in any sport.  However, what is the ultimate purpose of your life?  Is your ultimate purpose basketball?  Or do you think you are even greater than your involvement with basketball?   In your life, basketball has been afforded an uncommonly privileged role of accompanying you for so many years on your path to discovering who you are.  Even though it is a great and even necessary source of joy and learning for you, I know that your purpose is greater than basketball.   If you fail on the court, your value and worth does not change.  And even if you win the Olympic basketball finals, you maintain the same dignity and value.  

The Notre Dame (I graduated '10) women's basketball team were the 2017-2018 national champions.

Aaron Roster/USA TODAY Sports

Therefore to supplement your training and practice, you would be wise to also give time to the other factors that you know are necessary for your life and for your happiness:  spending time on your studies, visiting beautiful places, watching professional and college sports, spending time with your family and friends, doing volunteer work, etc.  I would even venture to claim that giving your whole heart into not only basketball but also these other activities when they present themselves will actually make you a BETTER PLAYER!  How will it make you a better player?  These other activities in life will train you to become a more thoughtful, smart, team-oriented, attentive teammate.  Developing these qualities are like "Goldilocks conditions" that uniquely prime success on the court, and do so in a way no explicitly basketball-related training can.  Spending time with old people, your family, or your friends, for example, will force you to listen to and care about your teammates.  Doing your studies attentively, looking for connections with curiosity and desire, will make you a smart player.  Noticing holes on the court, taking advantage of the other team's errors, looking for unexpected cuts you can make on the court, and going after the ball in ways others might not think of are all skills that take on a dimension of creative, smart play to add to your repertoire when they are learned off the court.  There are many examples like this!  In other words, life offers countless transfer skills that will help you to succeed in basketball.  Conversely, allow your knowledge, skills, and passion gained on the court to inform how you interact with everything and exercise tenacity and drive in other areas of life.

Thus, the question in your heart might become: "How can I live all of my circumstances actively, with attention, and with awareness?  Where do I learn the most, and can I apply this knowledge to other places in my life?"  This will help you be an even better basketball player and it will help you become more yourself in the process.  

I hope that makes sense and I look forward to hearing how it goes!